My First Post!

Dear Love Guy,

I'll just come right out and say it: I'm a woman who loves sex. Which you would think would be good for finding a boyfriend, since most men love sex too, right? Wrong. Of the last six men I've been on a date with, every single one of them wanted to have sex on the first date. And since I love sex, I wanted to have sex on the first date too. But I also wanted more than a one-night stand. On the few first dates that I was able to curb my libido and NOT have sex, the guy invariably called for a second date. The times I gave in to my passion and had sex on the first date, I never heard from the guy again. (Or he showed up a month later for a bootie call.)

Btw, the guys who called for a second date, I ended up not liking so much and didn't date further. Even if had sex on the second date.

So my problem is, I want a boyfriend who loves sex as much as I do, and I haven't been able to find one since I broke up with my last boyfriend a year ago. What am I doing wrong?

- Sexless in NY

Dear SIN,

First, I hope you don't mind that I'm borrowing from Dan Savage's style of acronyming his readers. :-)

Secondly, what's your number? Haha

Seriously, though, your problem is quite a great one to have. I will say though that your issue can only be resolved with the right chemistry between you and your partner. My most recent relationship ended because of bad sexual chemistry. Every other aspect of the relationship was great, and although I was attracted to her, something changed when we hit the sheets. In a dramatic shift of gender roles, I was prepared to focus on our emotional connection and forgo sex until that could be established, and she put all of the eggs (so to speak) in the sex basket and couldn't handle it.

Putting all of your emphasis on sex is not healthy for either partner in a relationship. Sure, it's great if you find someone who likes to screw just as much as you, but then you run the risk of merely being too people who spend all of their time having sex. If that sounds like the ideal relationship to you, you are looking for an FwB, not a boyfriend.

That said, I will state for the record that I do not disagree with sleeping together on the first date...as long as you're safe. One of my most emotionally-charged relationships began with a closed deal on the first date. Although the experts say it's not good to give it up so early, I firmly believe in "if it feels right, do it" (literally). Whether or not that turns into a relationship depends on the emotional connection you manage to develop during the course of your date and after the slamfest. I had spent about 5-6 hours with my date, and even met two of her friends before we went back to her place. By the time we got there, it just felt right.

My advice would be to get back up on the horse (heh) and continue test driving until you find your honey bunny - who also happens to be a sex machine. Eventually you will make a connection...but until then, you can continue to give into your stellar sex drive...but again, please be safe...there's a lot of nasty stuff out there.

And seriously...give me a call. ;-)

Sincerely,

The Love Guy