Jobless and Dating
By Eric J. Seader
Growing up, I was raised to believe that a man had to have a respectable and well-paying job in order to attract a partner. As a kid, this was a pretty easy concept to grasp. It was the 1980s and – although women were making great strides in the corporate workforce – there was still an enormous gender gap in terms of salary and executive placement. So the idea that a woman would be enticed by a charming, good-looking gentleman with a nice paycheck was pretty easy to understand.
Fast forward to my junior year of college, when I made the less-than-lucrative decision to concentrate on television production rather than my initial intention of becoming a broadcast journalist. Although, unless you are extremely lucky, unwavering in your determination, and/or the relative of someone in a position of power, either career choice is not always a profitable or prestigious one. Regardless, I chose fun over profit.
Since graduating nearly a decade ago, the path of my employment has been more of a zigzag than NBC’s late night programming schedule. (You knew I’d have to sneak in a joke about that somewhere, right?)
Granted, I didn’t really start dating until after I graduated, but I can’t remember a single instance when my job – or lack thereof – ever precluded me from finding a mate. Well, one of the times I was a waiter, so at least I had somewhat of a living wage coming in with which to shower my significant other with material signs of affection.
My last two relationships existed without the existence of gainful employment, however. In fact, the relationship I had before my most current disaster was actually made even more meaningful without the messy business of having to get up every morning for a job. She was a nighttime bartender who wrote during the day in between yoga sessions and cooking delicious vegetarian meals.
In our time together, I discovered the wonders of yoga – both for my mind and body – and the healthful benefits of a vegetarian diet. We spent our mornings exercising and cooking together, then retiring to our separate corners where she would work on her next award-winning piece and I would focus on getting a job.
Since the most recent breakup, I’ve been out with three different women – none of whom seemed too concerned that I have been out of work since last July. Either I’m extremely lucky, or there is an ever-increasing sect of the female population that is economically-independent and simply focused on finding a partner who they get along with – not just someone who will put them up in a McMansion in Scarsdale to raise their 2.5 children.
Of course, I have had several doors slammed in my face by JDaters who go right for the “employment” tab on my profile, but I’ve found more and more of them leaving out the hot-button words like “successful” and “have” and “job” from their “who I’m looking for” essays.
The way I look at myself now – thanks to years of therapy – is that dating me is an investment in your future. Sure, my stock might be in the pennies right now, but I guarantee you some day there will be a big pay off. Invest for the long haul, and in 5-10 years you will have a loyal, loving, supportive guy who will have an income that – when combined with yours – will provide a comfortable living for you and your 2.5 kids.
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