My First Post!

Dear Love Guy,

I'll just come right out and say it: I'm a woman who loves sex. Which you would think would be good for finding a boyfriend, since most men love sex too, right? Wrong. Of the last six men I've been on a date with, every single one of them wanted to have sex on the first date. And since I love sex, I wanted to have sex on the first date too. But I also wanted more than a one-night stand. On the few first dates that I was able to curb my libido and NOT have sex, the guy invariably called for a second date. The times I gave in to my passion and had sex on the first date, I never heard from the guy again. (Or he showed up a month later for a bootie call.)

Btw, the guys who called for a second date, I ended up not liking so much and didn't date further. Even if had sex on the second date.

So my problem is, I want a boyfriend who loves sex as much as I do, and I haven't been able to find one since I broke up with my last boyfriend a year ago. What am I doing wrong?

- Sexless in NY

Dear SIN,

First, I hope you don't mind that I'm borrowing from Dan Savage's style of acronyming his readers. :-)

Secondly, what's your number? Haha

Seriously, though, your problem is quite a great one to have. I will say though that your issue can only be resolved with the right chemistry between you and your partner. My most recent relationship ended because of bad sexual chemistry. Every other aspect of the relationship was great, and although I was attracted to her, something changed when we hit the sheets. In a dramatic shift of gender roles, I was prepared to focus on our emotional connection and forgo sex until that could be established, and she put all of the eggs (so to speak) in the sex basket and couldn't handle it.

Putting all of your emphasis on sex is not healthy for either partner in a relationship. Sure, it's great if you find someone who likes to screw just as much as you, but then you run the risk of merely being too people who spend all of their time having sex. If that sounds like the ideal relationship to you, you are looking for an FwB, not a boyfriend.

That said, I will state for the record that I do not disagree with sleeping together on the first date...as long as you're safe. One of my most emotionally-charged relationships began with a closed deal on the first date. Although the experts say it's not good to give it up so early, I firmly believe in "if it feels right, do it" (literally). Whether or not that turns into a relationship depends on the emotional connection you manage to develop during the course of your date and after the slamfest. I had spent about 5-6 hours with my date, and even met two of her friends before we went back to her place. By the time we got there, it just felt right.

My advice would be to get back up on the horse (heh) and continue test driving until you find your honey bunny - who also happens to be a sex machine. Eventually you will make a connection...but until then, you can continue to give into your stellar sex drive...but again, please be safe...there's a lot of nasty stuff out there.

And seriously...give me a call. ;-)

Sincerely,

The Love Guy

Jobless and Dating

Okay, so the submissions aren't exactly rolling in...but I'd like to share a short op-ed I wrote regarding my own experiences with DWU (Dating While Unemployed). Enjoy:

Jobless and Dating

By Eric J. Seader

Growing up, I was raised to believe that a man had to have a respectable and well-paying job in order to attract a partner. As a kid, this was a pretty easy concept to grasp. It was the 1980s and – although women were making great strides in the corporate workforce – there was still an enormous gender gap in terms of salary and executive placement. So the idea that a woman would be enticed by a charming, good-looking gentleman with a nice paycheck was pretty easy to understand.

Fast forward to my junior year of college, when I made the less-than-lucrative decision to concentrate on television production rather than my initial intention of becoming a broadcast journalist. Although, unless you are extremely lucky, unwavering in your determination, and/or the relative of someone in a position of power, either career choice is not always a profitable or prestigious one. Regardless, I chose fun over profit.

Since graduating nearly a decade ago, the path of my employment has been more of a zigzag than NBC’s late night programming schedule. (You knew I’d have to sneak in a joke about that somewhere, right?)

Granted, I didn’t really start dating until after I graduated, but I can’t remember a single instance when my job – or lack thereof – ever precluded me from finding a mate. Well, one of the times I was a waiter, so at least I had somewhat of a living wage coming in with which to shower my significant other with material signs of affection.

My last two relationships existed without the existence of gainful employment, however. In fact, the relationship I had before my most current disaster was actually made even more meaningful without the messy business of having to get up every morning for a job. She was a nighttime bartender who wrote during the day in between yoga sessions and cooking delicious vegetarian meals.

In our time together, I discovered the wonders of yoga – both for my mind and body – and the healthful benefits of a vegetarian diet. We spent our mornings exercising and cooking together, then retiring to our separate corners where she would work on her next award-winning piece and I would focus on getting a job.

Since the most recent breakup, I’ve been out with three different women – none of whom seemed too concerned that I have been out of work since last July. Either I’m extremely lucky, or there is an ever-increasing sect of the female population that is economically-independent and simply focused on finding a partner who they get along with – not just someone who will put them up in a McMansion in Scarsdale to raise their 2.5 children.

Of course, I have had several doors slammed in my face by JDaters who go right for the “employment” tab on my profile, but I’ve found more and more of them leaving out the hot-button words like “successful” and “have” and “job” from their “who I’m looking for” essays.

The way I look at myself now – thanks to years of therapy – is that dating me is an investment in your future. Sure, my stock might be in the pennies right now, but I guarantee you some day there will be a big pay off. Invest for the long haul, and in 5-10 years you will have a loyal, loving, supportive guy who will have an income that – when combined with yours – will provide a comfortable living for you and your 2.5 kids.

Welcome to TheLoveGuy.info!

Love sick? Want to be love sick? Love to read about others' problems? To quote Winslow from Police Academy:

You've come to the right place, brutha! The love doctor is about to operate.

Now I'm no expert in love myself, so I'm not claiming to be one. I've had quite a few failed relationships - I'm currently not even in one - but I've found over the last few years that I'm pretty damn good at giving advice to others. So, take this as a disclaimer that all advice dispensed is for entertainment purposes only. I cannot be held responsible for anything bad that comes from heeding my advice. However, if all turns out well, feel free to name your baby after me...or at least invite me to the wedding...I like cake.

So send me your love issues. You can either e-mail them directly to me at info@theloveguy.info or tweet them to me @theloveguy_info (@theloveguy was already taken). Don't worry - all entries will remain anonymous - unless you really want everyone to know who you are.